How to Relate

Anatomy of ConflictTurning Into Connection Conflict has roots that grow into stories, becoming a forest of trees where we lose sight, direction, and can no longer see through it. The therapy room hosts many discussions among couples and individuals about their interpersonal conflicts, as well as broader conflicts within our families, communities, the internet, and the world at large. Conflict leads to a hyper-fixation on difference. Conversations surround what we’re fighting about rather than...

Dear Peter, You're Not A Lost Boy Anymore Chasing Freedom Doesn't Equal Happiness The 90’s parenting tagline, “I want my kids to be happy,” created a generation of opportunists. Parents saw their college-educated peers’ earning potential as they climbed corporate ladders and wanted those opportunities to their children. Millennial college attendance soared, with 40% of Millennials earning a college degree compared to Gen X (32%) and Boomers (26%), according to Pew Research. The “college...

Dear Wendy, You Matter Too Growing up, one of the family's favorite movies was Peter Pan and the adaptation Hook, starring Robin Williams. The movie Hook follows Peter Banning, Robin Williams’ character, who is an attorney and workaholic with no patience or time for his wife and children. When Captain Hook kidnaps his children, Tinker Bell convinces Peter he needs to save them. By recalling his adventures, tapping into his imagination, and evoking the carefree innocence of childhood, Peter...

Family Therapy for One "Just when you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family." Ram Dass If the holiday season had a brand message, it would be the above quote. The statement every therapist hears this time of year sounds like: "I've done so much growth, but being around my family takes me back." Family dynamics bring our past selves to the surface. We feel old wounds and past behaviors show up as if we're in our personal time-traveling body double. Families remind us of...

Looking Back at Marriage: How did we get here? Anyone who is single and dating most likely has asked the question, "How did I get here?" The dating apps are metaphorical to a bar where no one wants to be, but it's 2:00 AM and there's no other option. Where are they? How do I meet people? Am I going to be single forever? The creators of the show Nobody Wants This aptly named the rom-com that has swept the nation for its relatability (until the second season, but I'll refrain from further...

Intimacy Blockers:Understand and Unblock Friendships, partnerships, romantic relationships, family, coworkers, and gym crew all have one common denominator: you. We may present ourselves differently in each type of relationship, but our blind spots may remain consistent. You may have: Scrolled on your phone while mid-conversation Drank too much at a friend's housewarming Worked late hours rather than spending time with people Out-busied yourself and your friends wonder when they'll ever see...

Look For LoveThe love letter that will have you believing in love again Couples therapists see the most intimate parts of relationships. We see intense arguments, deep pain of prolonged relational ambivalence, silly disagreements that have us asking, "Seriously?" We also see beautiful moments where one person expresses feelings that the other had no idea they were feeling. We see genuine care when two people look at each other, telling them how much they appreciate each other. We see laughter...

Kairos: Growth, Grief, and Gratitude In Greek, the word Kairos means "the right or critical moment for decision or action." (Side note: If you attended Catholic school, you might know Kairos as a high school four-day retreat and defined as "God's Time." This is different.) Life gifts us with moments, whether they are built in time, such as New Year's or birthdays, or in pivotal moments that induce life-altering decisions. These moments arrive whether we're ready or not, looking for them or...

Three things everyone has been talking about this summer: An affair exposed at a Coldplay concert Elon and Trump's friendship breakup Will the Epstein files finally be released? It makes sense why these viral topics are the talk of the summer. Who doesn't enjoy a juicy story, conspiracy theory, or flashy news headline? It's natural to gravitate towards entertaining news headlines. I do wonder what it means for us in this current moment to feel united by a series of unfortunate events. What...

One Conversation Changes Everything I'm not happy. I love you. I'm quitting. I cheated. I'm leaving. We're pregnant. I need help. I'm hurt. Marry me. We're moving. I'm sorry. I got you. How Everything Changes. Everything changes once it's said out loud. How many statements, fewer than three words, change the course of life? Then, like a movie montage, we mentalize the culmination of past life events that have led to life-altering words. We think of the times we were hurt and times of...